As most of you know, I'm not on here anymore, but I miss talking to everyone of you

So, I thought have one last chance on here and give you guys my details so that we can always keep in touch.

Facebook: just search my name "Jess Tarn"

Myspace: www.myspace.com/JessMCRrulz

hotmail: vinegar89@hotmail.com

Hope everyone is doing great
Love you all
Jess
xoxoxoxox

‘You’re through.’ The doctor’s words were simple. Final.

Morning sunlight sifted through the tinted windows, making the view of downtown San Francisco look as though it were encased in some weird shaded fog. Which was just how Jon Candellano felt. As if his brain were shrouded in mist. He’d heard the other man’s words; they just weren’t completely registering.

Because he didn’t want them to.

But he couldn’t ignore the situation forever.

Jon looked up at his doctor and saw something in the man’s eyes he didn’t want to see. Pity. Well, shit. A cold, hard knot formed in his guts and he fought to keep it from spreading. Hell of a way to start off a morning. Scraping one hand along the back of his neck and stalled for time. Time to adjust to the reality that was about to deliver a sucker punch to his life. He’d known this was coming, though, so it really wasn’t a sucker punch, was it? More like a body slam.

Somehow he’d just known it. His knee didn’t feel a hundred percent, despite the physical therapy.

Still, it was a hard thing to face. Deliberately misunderstanding the man, Jon gave him a winning smile and said, ‘Through you said. For this reason, right?’

‘For good, if you’re smart.’ The orthopedic surgeon shook his head, took a seat behind his desk, and folded his hands atop the file folder that contained Jon’s life.

‘Look, Jon, your knee, to put it simply, is more plastic than bone now. Take a hit the wrong way and you’re in serious trouble. You blow it out again and best-case scenario, you’re looking at using a cane for the rest of your life.’

Unconsciously Jon reached down and rubbed his kneecap protectively. It felt okay at the moment. Sure. While you’re sitting. What about running down the field with some three-hundred pound maniac chasing you?

Different story.  Hell, he’d been taking hits on the field since junior high. But the thought of taking another hit to a knee that had already been blown out was enough to make him cringe. And a man who didn’t want to be tackled had no business being on a football field.

But Christ, he’d been playing to a crowd since Pop Warner Football. How would he live without that? Without all of it? The sound of applause, the jolt of excitement he got every damn time he walked into a football stadium, the slaps on the back and the looks of pride that followed him whenever he went home.

Man, just listen to yourself.

Damn, but he was a petty man.

Jon’s gaze settled on the doctor’s face and he realised there was more the other man wasn’t saying. Hell, what else was there? But he had to know all of it. It was like staring at a traffic accident. You didn’t really want to see anything, but you just couldn’t stop yourself from looking. ‘And worst case?’

‘Wheelchair.’

Instantly an image of himself, freewheeling around Chandler, snarling at people who had the nerve to remind him of his heydays, kids throwing sticks into the spokes of his chair, filled his mind. Hell.

Sinking back into the rich leather armchair opposite his doctor, Jon scraped both hands across his face, took a deep breath, and mentally said goodbye to professional football. Though he’d known this was coming eventually, it didn’t make it any easier to swallow now that it had. On the other hand, he wasn’t a kid anymore. He was thirty-two, right? He’d had a good career. Made a lot of money. Traveled. And running backs didn’t usually have too long a life span anyway.

The knot in his guts twisted a little tighter. He could paint this any way he wanted. Bottom line, though… somebody’d just pulled the rug out from under his life.

And he didn’t have a clue as to what he’d do next.

Looking at the doctor, he said, more to himself than the other man. ‘So. What exactly does a pro ballplayer do when he can’t play ball?’

Bella sat at the kitchen table, wadded up her third Kleenex, and tossed it at the trash can. Neat. Even in her misery, Bella’s personality shone through. She had always been a woman who believed in a place for everything and everything in its place.

Unlike Dane, who believed that wherever something landed, that obviously was its place.

‘So, tell me,’ Dane said, and pushed the cookie bag closer to her sister-in-law.

‘We had a horrible fight last night.’ Then she thought about that for a minute, raised teary eyes to look at Dane, and amended. ‘Well, I had a horrible fight. Brendon just stood there. He wouldn’t even yell at me.’

A bad sign.

When an Italian didn’t yell, that was not good.

Dane sat back in her chair and folded her arms across her middle. Fingers plucking at the material of her sweatshirt, she kept quiet, with difficulty and waited for Bella to continue. It didn’t take long.

‘I told him I wanted to know where he was going three nights a week.’ She snagged a cookie, took a bite, chewed and swallowed. ‘Told him that I wasn’t going to let him make a fool out of me.’

‘All good,’ Dane assured her.

‘Yes, but he didn’t say anything.’ She tossed the cookie to the table, jumped up from her chair and paced the kitchen. The heels of her sandals clicked furiously on the linoleum. ‘Nothing important anyway.’

‘What did he say, exactly?’

‘He said that I should trust him.’

‘Ah, the standard return-fire volley.’

‘What?’

‘Never mind. Anything else?’

Bella pushed one hand through her auburn hair, and when that hair then fell back into place perfectly, Dane felt an inward sigh of admiration.

‘He said he loved me, but he wasn’t going to explain himself. That he shouldn’t have to.’

‘Oh, that’s great.’ Dane shook her head and sat forward again, leaning her forearms on the table. ‘And if it was you taking off three times a week, he wouldn’t ask questions? He’d just trust you? Not expect an explanation?’

‘That’s what I said.’

‘Of course you did!’ Dane nearly shouted. ‘It’s logical. Reasonable.’

Bella came to a stop beside the sink. Curling her fingers around the edge of the counter, she held on tightly, her knuckles whitening, as if her grip on that chipped Formica was the only thing holding her on to the planet. She stared out the window at the yapping puppies and said quietly, ‘Then he left.’

Dane simmered quietly inside. Looking at the other woman’s pain was enough to make her want to strangle the big brother she’d always loved so much. How could he be such an idiot? And what was she going to do about it?

The phone rang and Dane jumped, glaring at it.

Now was not a good time. Her sister-in-law turned and looked at the ringing phone as if it were a snake poised to leap across the room and sink its fangs into her. Dane knew how she felt.

‘God, I hate that thing. Just a minute, Bella. Whoever it is, I’ll get rid of ‘em.’ She stalked across the room, snatched up the receiver, and snapped, ‘What?’

‘Dane? This is how you answer a phone?’

She sighed and turned around, shrugging helplessly at Bella. ‘Hi Mama.’

Bella’s eyes went wide and she shook her head, pointing at her own chest. Thankfully, Dane was an expert at desperate pantomime. Bella didn’t want mama knowing she was there.

‘Was that a sigh?’ her mother’s voice demanded.

‘What?’

‘You sighed. I heard you.’

‘Ears like a hawk,’ Dane muttered.

‘What was that?’

‘Nothing.’ She pushed one hand through her hair. ‘What’s up Mama?’

‘Is Bella there? I thought I saw her car.’

‘Bella?’ Dane shot the other woman a look and winced as she shrugged and said, ‘Yes, Bella’s here.’

Her sister-in-law threw both hands wide and looked toward heaven for help. Dane could have told her from experience that it wasn’t coming. The only one ‘up there’ who would be interested in helping any of them was Papa – and he was too busy enjoying the distance between him and mama to leap into the fray.

‘I’m coming over to see the baby.’

‘What?’ Dane shook her head and reminded herself to pay attention. When talking to Mama, it paid to have all your marbles lined up straight. If her mother showed up and saw Bella crying, there’d be no stopping her from jumping in and running down to the sheriff’s office to slap Brendon upside the head. Which wasn’t altogether a bad idea, she told herself. But before she brought in the big guns, she wanted to know exactly what was going on. Key to that was stopping Mama.

‘No,’ she said quickly, ‘Tina’s not here. She’s with—‘ Dane looked to Bella.

‘Debbie,’ the other woman muttered.

‘She’s with Debbie.’

‘That teenager with the headphones?’ Mama’s voice went up a notch. ‘All the time she’s listening to singers. How can she hear Tina if she cries?’

Dane sighed again.

‘I heard that.’

Dane’s forehead hit the wall. ‘Mama, Tina’s fine. I’m fine. Bella’s fine.’

Her mother sniffed. ‘So fine then.’

Great. She had one woman in her kitchen, crying and another woman on the phone, offended. Well, if she had to pick one to deal with at a time, and she definitely had to choose, she’d pick the one standing in front of her.

‘Did you want something, Mama?’

‘I wanted to tell you I like your young man.’

Instantly worries about Bella slipped into second place in her mind as Dane saw where her mother was headed. ‘He’s not my ‘young man’. Heck, he’s not a young man, period.’

‘He’s too old for you?’

‘I didn’t say that, I—‘

‘It’s because he has a child you don’t want him?’

‘Of course not.’ Insulted, Dane stood up straighter and tightened her grip on the phone. ‘Reese is a sweetheart.’

‘So why don’t you like him?’

‘I do like him—‘ Dane shot a glance at Bella and didn’t know whether to scream or be grateful. For the first time since walking in the front door, the other woman was smiling. All it took was Dane being tortured to ease Bella’s misery.

‘Good. I’m having him over for dinner tomorrow night. You should come.’

‘Mama, don’t invite him for dinner.’ She reached up and rubbed her forehead, but it was like trying to fight off a nuclear missile attack with a flying swatter.

‘He has to eat.’

‘Not with me.’

‘Why not with you? You need a man; he needs a woman…’

Oh, for God’s sake. ‘Well what’re you waiting for? Book the church!’

Behind her, Bella snorted out a laugh.

‘Don’t be smart,’ Mama said.

‘Mama, I don’t need help finding a man. I just don’t want one.’

She heard her mother take in a long, protracted breath before releasing it again in a rush. ‘You told me you weren’t gay.’

Help me. Mentally, she screamed. But somehow, she managed to keep her voice steady and even as she said, ‘Mama, I have to go.’

‘Go where?’

Anywhere.

‘Bella and I…’ her mind raced, then settled on an acceptable excuse— ‘are going shopping.’

‘Fine. So buy a nice dress to wear for dinner.’

Her mother hung up before she could argue again, and a dial tone told Dane that Mama had won that round.

Dane actually winced as she pulled her fingers back from the phone. But problems with Mama could come later. Right at the moment, there were other pots to stir.

Turning around, she looked at Bella, and the other woman said, ‘Looks like we’ve all got our troubles.’

‘Don’t even go there,’ Dane told her. ‘I’ll worry about Mama later. Have you ever considered following Brendon when he leaves?’

Bella shook her head fiercely and folded her arms across her summer yellow tank top. ‘No way. I don’t want to see him with his girlfriend, the home wrecking, husband-stealing bitch. It’s hard enough to imagine it.’

Dane guessed she could understand that. However, she wouldn’t have any trouble at all facing down her brother and whatever female he was doing whatever he was doing with. ‘All right,’ she said, ‘I’ll follow him. What nights does he go out and what time does he leave?’

Frank stared down at his daughter’s mutinous face and held back a groan of frustration. For such a little thing, she could really put a lot of disapproval into a glare.

‘Reese, baby,’ he tried again, still futilely hoping that a six-year old could be reasoned with, ‘we can’t go see the puppies.’

Her little arms snapped across a narrow chest and her brow furrowed. She sighed heavily, unwound her arms, and mimed picking up a puppy and holding it to her face.

‘I know you want to see them, but they’re not your puppies. We can’t just go over there anytime you want to.’

She nodded so vigorously, one of her pink barrettes flew out of her hair and clattered on the wood floor.

‘Fine. I know Dane said you could come and see the dogs, but—‘ he was talking to the back of her head as she walked toward the front door. Two long steps and he’d caught her. Taking her arm in a gentle grip, he turned her around to face him. Frank went down on one knee so they were at eye level, and he studied those solemn but determined blue eyes so much like his own.

She was in there. God knows she had no trouble making her wishes – well, demands – known. Why wouldn’t she talk to him? Why wouldn’t she let him inside, beyond the walls that she’d built since that night a year ago?

Reese laid her small hands atop his and tugged. Frank’s heart ached, and not for the first time a threat of panic unwound inside him. If he couldn’t reach her… if he couldn’t get her to talk to him…

Resolutely he pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind where they simmered constantly, occasionally erupting into a forth of desperation. He would get through to her. He couldn’t lose Reese. Time was running out. Just last night, his mother-in-law had called again, reminding him that if he didn’t find a way into Reese’s silent, she might be lost to him forever.

‘Ah, baby, why won’t you talk to daddy?’ he whispered, and he watched her eyes darken. Secrets lurked in their depths and he wished to God she’d let him help. Pain rippled through him. He sighed, swallowed, and said, ‘It’s okay, Reese. It’s okay. You can talk to me when you’re ready. I’ll be here. Always.’

She nodded slowly, keeping he solemn gaze locked with his.

He only hoped she was ready to talk before the end of summer.

Reaching out, he swiped his fingers across the silky strands of blond hair lying across her forehead. She gave him a tentative smile as if she knew he was weakening. And damn it, he was. That smile along should have been enough to convince him to race his daughter across the road. A smile. Laughter. Hell, she’d reacted more to the puppies – and to Dane – than she had to anything else in the last year. So if he has any sense, Frank told himself, he’d be using whatever he could in his campaign to bring his daughter back to him.

Even if that meant spending time with a woman who touched places inside him he’d thought were long dead.

Two hours later, Dane tried to reclaim some of her morning. But not even playing with the puppies could completely ease the turmoil raging in her brain.

When had her world shifted so out of control?

It was as if she were living in one of those little glass snow globes and some unseen giant hand had given it a good shake. And she didn’t like it. She preferred things as they’d been for the last two years. Predictable. Safe.

But instead, she had her brothers worrying her, and a little girl with lost eyes, and the girl’s father – who managed to light wildfires in her body with a glance. And then there was Mama. ‘She told me to buy a dress. I don’t do dresses. And she knows it.’ She looked over at Abbey. ‘Why me?’

Disgusted, Dane plopped down onto the wet grass, drew her knees up to her chest, and focused her gaze on the puppies, splashing through the sprinkler. Bath time always began with a free-for-all. The puppies got to play and she got them all wet at once. One thing about goldens – they loved water. Despite her whirling thoughts, Dane laughed as the puppies tripped over their own feet and climbed all over one another and her to get closer to the water source. Abbey sat to one side, like a canine lifeguard, watching her children with a patient eye.

‘Morning.’

Her stomach jittered at the sound of his voice. Well, this is good, she thought. Nothing like having a gorgeous man see you when you’re soaking wet and covered with muddy puppy paw prints. Sure. Why not? The morning was on a downhill slide already. Facing the inevitable, Dane glanced over her shoulder at Frank and his daughter, right beside him.

Her heart did a weird little bump and roll and she wasn’t sure if it was caffeine deprivation or the sight of Frank Iero. She hadn’t had nearly enough coffee this morning, but she had a feeling this particular reaction was pure Frank. His dark hair was windblown and he wore a forest green t-shirt that clung to the chest that only last night had had a starring role in her dreams. His blue jeans were well worn and did amazing things for his long legs.

Blood pumped, breath staggered, heartbeat trip-hammered.

Oh yeah. She was in fine shape. She blew out an unsteady breath and told her hormones to take a nap. Or a cold shower, whichever was quickest. A sense of self-preservation had her shifting her gaze to the child standing alongside him. Her little Scooby-Doo tennis practically danced in place in her eagerness to get to the puppies. Her hair still looked bedraggled, but there was a shine in her eyes that hadn’t been there just two weeks ago.

Dogs. Little miracles, Dane thought. Without even trying, they gave love that reached out to whoever needed it most. And Reese obviously needed it. She still wasn’t speaking, but since that first magical morning when she’d laughed, she’d seemed a little less shut off. A little more ‘connected.’

No wonder her father was warming up to the idea of allowing the kid to play with the dogs – despite the fact that it meant spending time with Dane. Even he could see that the pups were making a difference in his daughter’s life.

‘Hello?’ Frank said. ‘Earth to Dane.’

She blinked up at him, laughed and said, ‘Sorry. Zoned out there for a minute.’

Frank didn’t mind. Her distraction had given him an extra minute or two to simply look at her. No woman had a right to look that good wet and muddy. She smiled and her face lit up, her dark brown eyes sparkled, and something inside him yearned to be there in the mud beside her. Preferably naked.

Micaela never would have rolled around in the grass with a cluster of puppies climbing all over her. But then, Dane Candellano was unlike any other woman he’d ever met.

Which was as good a reason as any for him to keep his distance. Yet here he stood. He couldn’t seem to stay away from Dane any more than his daughter could bear to be separated from these puppies. And that probably explained why he’d agreed to have dinner with the Candellanos again tomorrow night. It was simply another excuse to be near Dane.

Reese tugged at his hand, trying for freedom, but he held her tight. ‘Your mother came over this morning.’

Dane’s chin hit her chest. ‘I know. She called. You know, you don’t have to say yes when she comes up with one of her plans.’

‘I wanted to say yes. I like your mother.’ And you, he added silently.

‘Oh.’

Not exactly an enthusiastic response. A little uncomfortable now, he said, ‘Look, I’ll understand if you’re not exactly pleased to see me today, but I’d appreciate it if you’d let Reese and me help with’ – he waved a hand at the puppy balancing itself against Reese’s right leg—‘whatever it is you’re up to.’

She flipped her hair behind her back. ‘It’s bath day.’

Reese pulled away and this time he let her go. He watched as she dropped to the ground and gathered the puppy in close, laughing as the tiny dog wriggled its wet little body against her.

‘For them or you?’ he asked, smiling at the sound of his daughter’s laughter. But as he studied Dane, that smile faded. Her long dark curls were gathered into a ponytail on top of her head, but the ringlets hug wet and black down to her shoulders. Her t-shirt clung to her breasts, outlining the lace of her bra and molding itself to her figure. Her gray sweat shorts were soaking wet and those long legs of hers looked tan and luscious enough to fuel daydreams designed to taunt a man. And that silver toe ring seemed to wink at him in the sunlight.

She pushed a long wet strand of hair out of her eyes and said, ‘I’ll answer that, wise guy, as soon as you tell me why I wouldn’t want to see you today.’

One eyebrow lifted. ‘Well,’ he said, remembering how it had been when he and Micaela had had their legendary arguments, ‘I figured after last night, you’d need some time to cool down.’ Micaela had always needed days. And expensive presents.

Dane laughed. ‘Are you serious?’ shaking her head, she set the puppy aside and reached for the hose. Scrambling to her feet, she added, ‘For an Italian, yelling just means you’re alive.’

‘Is that right?’ tension he didn’t know he was carrying unwound inside him, and he smiled as he watched her waving the sprinkler end of the hose.

‘Oh yeah. So.’ she swung the sprinkler close toward him and asked, ‘You alive?’

‘You wouldn’t.’ but he backed up a step just in case.

Dane laughed. ‘Never dare a Candellano.’

He closed his eyes as the water hit his face.

That night, Dane prowled restlessly through her house. Her nuked half-eaten frozen dinner sat abandoned on the kitchen table and the TV sounded from the living room. Some game show host was snidely pronouncing her contestants Too Stupid To Live and Dane didn’t care enough to go in there and shut the rude woman off.

She turned her back, leaned one hip against the counter, and stared at the kitchen. ‘I guess I could clean.’ Abbey cocked her head as if surprised by the suggestion. Dane laughed. ‘Yeah. I’m not that bored.’

And it wasn’t really boredom clawing at her anyway. It was something else. Something she hadn’t felt in way too long. Heat pulsed inside her, warming her blood and clouding her mind. That had to be the reason why it suddenly seemed like such a good idea to run across the road to ask Frank if she could borrow a cup of sex.

‘Oh, man.’

A knock at the door brought her upright. Hey. Maybe it’s him maybe he’s just as needy as she was right now. Maybe—‘Hell, Dane,’ she muttered, stalking across the kitchen, ‘just open the door.’

‘Well, it’s about time,’ the woman on the porch announced. ‘Is this any way to treat the bearer of coconut rum?’

‘Jess!’ Jess Tarn, girlfriend extraordinaire. Tall, brown, with a great body, which was, just now, sporting a gorgeous Caribbean tan, she was the kind of woman other woman usually hated, just on general principals. But Jess was also the best kind of friend. She’d tell you exactly what you needed to hear. Whether you wanted to hear it or not. ‘You’re back!’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘to coin a phrase, duh.’

Jess leaned forward, gave her a quick kiss, then carried her bag of goodies straight through the house to the kitchen. ‘Hi, Ab. I brought you a present too.’

The big dog woofed then snatched the squeaky rubber palm tree out of the air when Jess tossed it to her.

‘And what’d you bring me?’ Dane asked, watching her friend pull bottle after bottle out of her bag. God, she’d missed having Jess to talk to. But with Frank here, Dane had to admit the two weeks her best friend had been gone has passed a lot faster than they would have without him around.

Jess flashed her a wicked smile. ‘I picked up a new favourite drink on that cruise. And being the wonderful human being that I am, I’ve decided to share. I brought coconut rum and all the fixings for a fabulous girls’ night in.’

It did sound fabulous. ‘Just what I need.’

‘That’s not that I hear,’ Jess said, uncapping the first bottle.

‘Huh?’

‘Good one.’ The tall brown grinned and said, ‘I wasn’t home fifteen minutes and I was hearing all about you and Mr. Wonderful across the street.’

‘Oh, crap.’

‘Virginia says he’s a Mafia informer.’

‘Perfect.’

‘Rachel says he loved her tuna-pineapple slop.’

‘Uh-huh.’

‘And your mother says he’s your new boyfriend.’

‘Good God.’

‘So which is it?’

‘Would you believe none of the above?’

‘Nope.’ She reached down Dane’s blender from the top shelf. Then, walking to the fridge, she opened the freezer, took out the ice bucket, and plunked some into the blender. ‘Girl, any man who can get all these women talking is one I’ve got to meet.’

‘Why?’ Dane asked, suspicion colouring her tone.

‘Oooh,’ Jess countered, smiling, ‘territorial. So tell me, have you two done the ugly yet?’

‘No,’ damn it, ‘and we’re not going to.’

‘Uh-huh. That was convincing. How bad do you want him?’

‘Oh,’ Dane admitted, ‘bad Jess. I want him really bad.’

He couldn’t breathe. That was the first thing he noticed, he fumbled in his pocket for his inhaler, squirting the vapors into his lungs he tried to take a deep breath. He waited for the tightness in his chest to dissipate; instead it seemed to be getting worse. He tried again to fill his lungs and choked on air. Trying the inhaler again, he coughed violently as the vapors entered his lungs. His chest was getting tighter, the muscles in his throat constricting. He lapsed into a panicked shallow pant that did nothing but increase the noose-like sensation around his neck. He was getting lightheaded, dizzy, and more frightened by the second. He backed against the wall of the bus trying to keep the small room from spinning. Trying to stay calm and failing miserably, Mike fell to his hands and knees as sparks of pain shot through his chest and black dots danced at the corners of his eyes. There was a ringing in his ears, he could hear the pained sounds he was making as he tried to force much needed air into his lungs.

“Mikey!” his brother’s voice cut through the veil of fear around him. Two lean muscled arms wrapped around his heaving chest pulling him towards Gerard’s warm torso.

“Hey, I gotcha’ lil’ bro, I’m right here, breathe. Breathe. Mikey, its okay, I’m right here.” Gerard’s soft whispers murmured reassuringly into Michael’s ear. Mike felt his brother slip his inhaler between his lips, “Deep breath.” He did and finally felt the horrid tightness begin to lessen. His agonized gasps subsided into shallow even breaths and with another dose from the inhaler he was breathing normally. His brother was still talking to him, his breathing soft and even; Mike could feel Gerard’s strong heartbeat against his back. The fear disappeared and a languid calm replaced it. He felt his eyelids grow heavy and in a few minutes was sleeping peacefully against his brother.

“Is he okay now? Should I call 9-1-1 or something?” Frank’s voice was shaky and thin with fear.

Frank was opposite of Gerard huddled against the wall, arms wrapped protectively around his torso. He was scared, Mike’s little episodes always scared him, but this one sent him into a panic. Frank had never seen Mike have and asthma attack like that before, he was surprised he was forming coherent thoughts. Shaking and hugging himself tighter he watched Gerard calmly talk his brother into breathing again.
Usually when Mike’s asthma acted up he took a whiff of his inhaler and he was good as new. Though there were a few times he’s sat down and asked one of the guys to find Gerard, those were pretty scary for the guys but he’d never actually *stopped breathing*.

Frank began shaking all over again as he remembered the glazed look in his friends eyes. Frank had run out of the bus at a full sprint all the way to the stage where Gerard, Bob, and Ray were finishing an interview. He still wasn’t sure what exactly he said, but whatever garbled incoherent words he sputtered had gotten Gerard’s attention and he had followed Frank back to the bus.

Mike’s breath hitched, sending another wave of adrenaline through Frank’s heart. Gerard didn’t bat an eye, but he did turn towards Frank who was having something akin to an anxiety attack.

“Frank, its okay, he’s fine.” Gerard kept his voice velvety, Frank jumped. “Frankie, c’mon its okay.” Gerard carefully shifted his brother to his left side with Mike’s head resting comfortably on his thigh. Mumbling something unintelligible Mike relaxed and stretched out. Frank was still huddled on the other side of the bus looking more and more like a scared animal.
Gerard leaned back against the wall softly stroking his brother’s hair; he knew Mike was fine, now he had to work on calming the terrified guitarist.

“Seriously Frank, I’d go over there but Mike’s a little heavier than he looks.” A small smile flickered across Frank’s face for half a second. Timidly he took a small step towards Gerard and Mike. Very slowly Frank made his way over to the pair and sat down carefully watching Mike the entire time. Gerard reached over and with a small yelp Frank was practically dragged into the singer’s warm embrace. Frank stiffened at the sudden contact, but carefully relaxed resting his head lightly against Gerard’s shoulder. Frank was still shaking when he heard a shuddering breath and tensed, when he felt hot tears stinging the back of his eyes he realized the strained gasps were coming from him.

“Frankie, its okay, he’s alright.” Gerard carefully pulled the young guitarist closer; Frank buried his head into Gerard’s shoulder still crying quietly. After a few minutes his quiet tears subsided and were replaced by deep and even breaths.
Carefully, Gerard reached for his phone, silently flipping it open he found Ray’s number and called.

“Hey, can you come out to the bus?” Gerard’s voice was still silken and soft.

“Gerard? Why are you whispering?”

“Frank and Mike are asleep.”

“Oh. Hey, while we’re sitting here covering for your ass, mind telling me something I can give to the press about your sudden disappearance.” Gerard cringed, he’d forgotten about the press.

“Mikey had an asthma attack.”

“Oh sh-“

“He’s okay now, but he and Frank are sleeping on me so could you…”

“Yeah, I’ll be there, give me five minutes.”
Gerard closed his phone and let the tension slowly drain from his body. Mike hadn’t scared him like that in a long time. He looked down at his little brother and gently ran his fingers through his medium length hair. Frank shuddered and snuggled to Gerard whimpering. Gerard absently began singing a strange melody he’d been trying to work out, Frank relaxed and with a sigh fell deeper into sleep. Shifting to a more comfortable position Gerard eventually sang himself to sleep.



“Hey, Gee, wake up.” Gerard’s eyes fluttered open with the gentle shake that accompanied the soft voice. Sleepy eyes met amused as Bob stood back from the singer.

“C’mon Gee, you got an hour to make yourself presentable to the public.” Bob stuck his hand out to help the singer up. Gratefully Gerard took it.

“What’d you guys do with Mike and Frank?” Gerard looked around searching for the pair.

“We just got here, Frank and Mike were already awake, they’re in the back getting ready.”

“You just got back?” Gerard looked at his watch, “what happened to five minutes?”
Ray stuck his head out of the bunk section scowling, “Once they heard Mike had an asthma attack they wouldn’t let us go. I mean seriously, how many questions can you ask about asthma?” Gerard gave his friend a one armed hug, “I owe you guys.”

“Nah, but don’t blame me if there’s a rumor of you having eleven toes tomorrow.” Ray ducked the pillow Gerard chucked at him and scurried to the instrument section of the bus cackling.
The quiet atmosphere of the bus was soon hyped with anticipation of the upcoming show. Mike had fully recovered from his attack and Frank seemed to have found himself again too. Gerard was twice as hyper with a twenty minute nap, Bob and Ray watched in amusement as their band mates practically vibrated with energy. Finally they left the bus to head backstage, on the way there the friends went through the song order, harassed each other, and just generally acted like a bunch of six year olds on Mountain Dew.

Getting their gear tuned, mics checked, and earpieces set the band could hear the crowd roaring. They sounded like a freight train passing through a tunnel, “Jesus, they’re loud!” Ray was peeking through one of the stage entrances at the packed venue.

“What?” Frank paused next to him and looked as well.

“I said, *they’re loud*!”

“Ohh.” Ray and Frank listened to the insane screaming of the crowd until it was time to line up.

Walking on to the stage Mike was amazed at the sound, it was like backstage had been soundproofed and now they were getting the full effect. He thought they were at top volume as the band was walking out but when they started ‘Disenchanted’ the volume increased tenfold. Throughout the show Mike lost Gerard’s voice several times in each song as the crowd took over. When the beginning notes of ‘I’m Not Okay’ started he lost Gerard altogether for the entire song and most of the next one.

Two songs from the end Mike felt a familiar and dreaded tightening sensation pulse through his chest. Gerard was talking, well actually screaming, to the crowd before the next song started; quickly he pulled out his inhaler and was relieved to feel the tightness disappear. Frank gave him a worried look from across the stage, Mike flashed him a smile and Frank relaxed.

At the start of the last song, ‘Cancer’ a surge of constricting pain ripped through his chest and neck making him cough violently. Trying to take a deep breath he felt like he was breathing through a coffee stirrer. Gasping and trying to stay conscious through the short song Mike’s vision tunneled. The shallow gasps he was taking wasn’t giving him the air he needed, he closed his eyes trying to force his throat to open. He was getting dizzy and he felt heavy, there was only one chord left, once he hit that he could go backstage to the paramedics.

Mike almost unconsciously played the last note; before he blacked out he heard a harsh discordant sound force itself through his oxygen deprived brain. ‘What the he-‘ he was playing the wrong note, a very wrong note ‘shit!’ his chord was clashing horridly with everyone, he wasn’t even remotely close, if Bob had been playing it probably would have rubbed his notes too. Mike felt darkness forcing itself on his mind; he couldn’t remember the right note and was to far gone to even consider finding a compliment to the other chords.
Doing a total improve on the fly Ray and Frank began a crazy duet trying to find a chord that matched the bass. Gerard dropped out turning towards his brother on the other side of the stage, Bob jumped in with an insane, stick-breaking rhythm. Finally Ray and Frank fixed the rub and with a poignant guitar harmony the show ended.

Mike’s bass was heavy; he couldn’t remember it being that heavy when they walked on stage. He was supposed to be doing something, but everything was black, there was a throbbing agony in his chest as his lungs begged him for air. There was loud roaring in his ears, he knew what it was, but it was too much effort to call the memory. His stomach did 360’s as the feeling of falling overtook him. When his head met the stage some of the fog lifted enough for him to realize he’d stopped breathing entirely, then sharp pains cascaded through his chest and he let himself slip into the dark.


When the dark began to fade and finally disappeared Mikey was aware of only the loud annoying beeping and his massive headache. Said beeping sound was like a pile driver in his skull, he groaned and tried to cover his ears. But something heavy was holding his left side down, cautiously opening his eyes Mikey turned and saw messy black hair that rested gently on his brother’s pale cheek, his dark lashes fluttered like moth wings as Gerard slowly woke up. Gerard looked at Mikey for a full five seconds before his tired mind seemed to comprehend that his brother was looking back at him.
Gerard snapped awake, “Mikey, are you okay?” Gerard’s voice was quiet and filled with worry.

“Fine.” Mike winced as his voice rasped painfully, “Where are we?”

“Hospital, you had an acute asthma attack and passed out on stage.” Mike grimaced, that explained the headache and dry throat. He noticed his brother was paler than usual and there were dark smudges under his eyes. “How long have I been out?”

“Only a few hours, they got you here around nine or something, why?”

“You look exhau- Oh; you haven’t washed your makeup off.” Gerard gave him a wry smile and placed a butterfly kiss on his forehead, “Go back to sleep Mikey, you need it.” Mike stuck his tongue out, but let exhaustion take over and fell back into the dark.


The next time Mike woke his headache was gone and he heard what sounded like Ray and Frank quietly arguing with someone in a corner of the room. He turned towards the voices and saw Gerard glaring at Frank and Ray, Ray had a vein throbbing in his forehead, and Frank was fully returning his brother’s murderous look. Mikey had the sinking feeling this had been going on for some time.

“Gee, you’ve been here all night, you need to get some actual sleep.” Ray looked like he was going to strangle him.

“And when’s the last time you ate?” Frank was still glaring at him. Gerard was more stubborn that a mule when he wanted to be. Mike frowned and decided to break up the argument before they tried to kill each other.

“Uh, guys?” His throat didn’t hurt as much as it had but he wasn’t going to push it. Keeping his voice at something a little louder than a whisper he wasn’t surprised when Gerard was the only one to notice. The angry tension left his brother’s body immediately, Ray still looking thoroughly pissed turned to see what Gerard was looking at.

“Hey Mikey.” Ray sounded relieved. Frank turned to look and instantly lit up at seeing his friend awake.

“Hey Mikey!” Yeah, he definitely was happy to see him. Mikey smiled at the exuberant guitarist and turned a disapproving look on his brother.

“What?” Gerard had a confused look on his face.

“When is the last time you ate?” Gerard’s confused look turned into a scowl. Very carefully Mike sat up, he was still a little dizzy but he tried to hide it, if Gerard thought anything was off he’d never go. Crossing his arms he returned his brother’s scowl, “Two hours. Then you can come back and spend all the time you want in here.” Mike’s voice was soft and still a little hoarse but he knew his brother would hear him. Gerard didn’t budge and glared at him, Mike glared back. They stayed like that communicating silently Ray and Frank forgotten until, with a sigh Gerard looked at the door.

“Fine, two hours.” He walked over to Mike and kissed his temple and then, almost regally he glided out the door past Ray and Frank. Frank looked at him with something akin to awe on his face, “How do you do that?” Mike laughed quietly, “You just have to know how to deal with ‘em.”

“I’m gonna deal with ‘em” Ray still had a scowl on his face and was glaring at the door. Mike gave him a bemused look, “What were you guys arguing about?”

“He’s just bein’ his usual stubborn self. He’s gonna be the next one in here if he doesn’t start taking care of himself!” Ray started to rant and Mike grimaced, his brother was notorious for forgetting important things like, eating, sleeping, and staying hydrated when his mind was on something.

“Ray…Ray, Ray!”

“Huh? What?”

“I’ll talk to him, he’s just worried.”

“We’re worried too.” Frank settled next to Mike on the bed, “I know, I honestly don’t know what happened.” Mike stared at the wall in front of him, he didn’t know why all of a sudden his body was hell-bent on putting him six feet under but it scared him. Suddenly he wished Gerard was there, he knew he was safe if he had another attack but he felt vulnerable without him. He hadn’t had a sever asthma attack in years, much less two in one day. He didn’t realize how badly he was shaking until Frank’s warm body snuggled closer to him, “we’re not gonna let anything happen to ya’ Mikey.”

“I seriously don’t know what happened, I took the medicine, used my inhaler…”

Ray walked over to the bed, bad mood forgotten, “Hey chill Mikey, its nothing you did, like Frankie said, we’re not gonna let anything hurt you. Even if it’s the air you’re supposed to breathe.” Mike cracked a smile at Ray’s weak attempt at humor. Still he couldn’t stop shaking, he just wanted to curl up at his home with a good book and forget about everything for awhile. But if he had another attack…a shiver of fear ran down his spine, he didn’t want to be alone, he silently wished for time to speed up, for Gerard’s two hours to be up and to see him come striding through the door. ‘He’ll be back, probably an hour early, you know he won’t leave you alone for long.’ Mike’s mind reasoned with him but he was still afraid, he leaned further into Frank who wrapped his arms protectively around the bassist. Frank desperately tried to think of something to distract his terrified friend, when the door opened all three looked over to see Bob walk into the room.

“Hey, who wants some real food instead of this hospital crap?” Bob held up two Arby’s bags, Mike gave a shaky laugh, “I do, this shit tastes like cardboard.”


An hour later when Gerard quietly opened the door to his brother’s room he saw Frank sleeping in the same place he’d been last night, Ray and Bob were in the other two chairs in the room dozing lightly. Gerard smirked, ‘now who needs to get some sleep?’ He walked past them over to Mikey who was staring absently at the white wall in front of him lost in thought.

“Mikey.” His voice was the same velvety soft it had been the day before. Mike blinked and looked at him, “You still have forty-five minutes.”

“Do you want me to go?”

“Only if you take me with you.” Mikey felt his hands beginning to shake again. Gerard’s eyes narrowed when he noticed, he was quickly on his brother’s other side. Gerard sat on the bed and carefully pulled his shaking brother into his lap. Mike wrapped his arms around his neck and buried his head into his chest. He felt Gerard’s steady heartbeat and even breathing, his shaking lessened to the occasional tremor.

“I’m right here Mikey. I love you.”

Mike snuggled closer and let the steady thump of his brother’s heart lull him into a calm sleep.

‘Congratulations,’ Dane said, glancing up at him as they walked across the lawn an hour later. ‘You survived Sunday dinner.’

‘It was good.’

‘Well, sure it was good. The food is your reward for surviving through the rest of it.’

He shook his head. ‘Your family is a little…’

‘Nuts?’ she supplied.

‘Overwhelming, I was going to say.’

‘Ah, the polite thing, that was so popular with my mother again.’

Reese, half-asleep, cuddled in close, wrapped her arms around Frank’s neck, and rested her head on his shoulder. With the warm, solid weight of his child pressed against him, Frank kept his steps slow and even and tried to avoid tripping on Abbey as she walked right in front of him and Dane.

Above them, the night sky was star-swept, points of light glittering in the blackness. An almost full moon outshone the stars, though; and laid silver-cast shadows across the yard. The quiet was damn near eerie. He still wasn’t used to it.

Hell, he was accustomed to the wail of sirens, the shriek of car alarms, and even the occasional shout from one of his neighbours down the hall. Back home, the silence in their apartment was almost a relief – escape from the noise of the outside world. But here… the utter stillness only emphasized his daughter’s muteness.

And made him loath the idea of returning to that empty house. Especially after having been surrounded by Candellanos all evening.

To get his mind off the solitude waiting for him, he spoke up. ‘Your mother liked me.’

She chuckled. ‘Don’t take it so personally. Mama’s got her eye out for husband material.’

‘Well,’ he said, ‘she’s a great cook.’

Dane stopped dead, knocked the heel of her hand against her right ear, and stared up at him. ‘Humour? Is my hearing okay? Was that actually a smartass remark?’

A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth, but Frank managed to hold it in. ‘Hey, I’ve been hanging around you. Must be contagious.’

‘Wow. Another one.’ She grinned up at him, and even in the soft moonlight, she was absolutely amazing-looking. Her black curls flew and danced about her face and she pushed them back with an impatient hand – that he suddenly wanted to grab and cling to. A flash of desire that he was becoming all too familiar with rushed through him again and he called himself an idiot. Hell, he was carrying his sleeping daughter, for God’s sake.

‘Actually,’ Dane was saying, ‘Mama’s trying to fix me up and the pickings around here are pretty slim. Until you showed up, her prime prospect was James Stewart.’

Stunned, Frank just stared at her. ‘You mean the guy at the grocery store? The butcher?’

‘That’s Fabulous James.’

‘Jesus.’

‘Pretty much my reaction.’

‘So, do you want one?’ he asked a moment later, when they’d started walking again.

‘One what?’

‘Husband.’

‘Is that an offer?’

‘No.’

She laughed shortly and he wondered if she found everything so damn funny. Then he remembered that just a few hours ago she was breaking his heart by stoically accepting the complete blame for the loss of a child. No, she wasn’t all laughs. But she damn sure knew how to compartmentalize her life.

‘Just checking,’ she assured him before saying, ‘and to answer your question… no. much to Mama’s everlasting frustration, I’m not in the market for a husband, thanks.’

 Now that should make him feel better. But for some reason, it didn’t. His own marriage had been a disaster, but maybe the cards had been stacked against him right from the beginning. After all, what had he known about family? Someone like Dane, on the other hand, should have every reason to want what she’d grown up with. If he’d come from the kind of family she’d known, maybe lots of things in his life would have been different. He shifted Reese into a better position, enjoyed her sigh of warm breath on his neck, and asked, ‘Any particular reason why?’

Dane shrugged and bent down quickly to pluck a blade of grass from the lawn. As they walked, she shredded the single blade with a concentrated effort.

‘Well, I’m lousy company in the morning – before coffee, that is.’

‘I noticed.’

‘Gee, thanks.’ She shook her head, lifted her gaze to study the sky briefly, and suggested, ‘I don’t play well with others?’

He smiled but shook his head. ‘Not buying that one.’

‘No, huh?’ fingers busy, she thought for a minute or two. ‘Okay, I confess. I was almost married, once.’

‘What happened?’

She tossed the remnant of grass aside tucked her hands into her jeans pockets. ‘He decided to go back to his former fiancée instead.’

‘Busy guy.’

‘Yeah.’ She looked up at him. ‘But he was polite, too. Sent me an invitation to his wedding.’

‘Thoughtful.’

‘Oh, yeah. I declined.’

‘Don’t blame you.’

‘Passed on the baby shower invite, too.’

‘What an idiot.’

Clearly offended, she demanded, ‘Why would I want to go to his wife’s baby shower?’

‘Not you idiot. Him idiot.’

‘Ahh… in that case, you may continue to live.’

‘Good to know.’ They were close now to her drive way. Too close. He wasn’t really ready to say goodnight yet. So he kept talking. ‘I’m guessing the end of your engagement didn’t go over well with your mother?’

She laughed and God, he loved the sound of it. Even Reese didn’t seem to mind, since she slept on, completely comfortable in his arms.

‘Being a good mother, her first instinct was to go kill him for me.’

‘Understandable.’ Hell, Frank wouldn’t mind taking a punch at the guy himself. No matter how she was making light of it, he knew that the man’s betrayal must have cut at her. She was going to marry the man, for chrissakes. She must have loved him.

‘But, when she calmed down, she went into a period of mourning eclipsed only by the time Jon first broke it to her that he didn’t want to become a priest.’ Dane stopped at the edge of her drive and tipped her head back to stare up at him. ‘And she’s been on a search for a replacement fiancé ever since.’

‘Determined woman.’

‘Oh, you have no idea.’ But there was a smile in her voice when she spoke. And that’s what he responded to.

‘Must be nice.’

‘What?’

‘Being loved like that.’

‘I always sort of took it for granted,’ she admitted.

‘But yes, it is. Annoying sometimes, too. Your family isn’t close?’

He hitched Reese a little higher in his arms and laid a protective hand against the small of her back. ‘She’s my family.’

Dane studied his features in the soft, pale light and wondered what had put the flash of pain in his eyes. It was brie. Hardly noticeable. And if she hadn’t already been watching him closely, she probably would have missed it.

As hard as it was to deal with her family at times, she couldn’t imagine having a life without them. Just as she couldn’t imagine what Frank’s life was like. The silence. With only him and Reese in the house, the quiet must be crushing.

‘My folks died when I was a kid,’ he said, his voice a soft rumble that whispered through the air and seemed to attack the hairs at the back of her neck. ‘Went into the system then and got bounced around until I was eighteen.’

She didn’t know what to say. I’m sorry didn’t seem appropriate.

‘I know what you’re thinking, and don’t worry about it. It was a long time ago.’

Distance. They might be standing right next to each other, but there was a distance in his voice that clearly said, ‘Don’t go there’. So she didn’t.

Instead, she glanced up the drive toward her own house, where the front porch light shone like a lighthouse standing on a rocky shore. Ordinarily, after dinner with the Candellanos, she’d be more than ready to crawl into her own nest and veg out with Abbey. The dog, as if reading her mind, trotted halfway up the gravel drive, turned around to face Dane, and sat down, head cocked as she waited.

Tonight, though, Dane wasn’t as eager as usual to be by herself. Frank seemed to be feeling the same way, since he made no move to start walking again.

‘You were really impressive today,’ he said finally, just when she thought they were going to stand in the moonlight in silence forever.

‘What?’

‘You and Abbey. The way you worked together.’ He paused and her stomach rolled over as his gaze locked with hers. ‘It was amazing. Especially knowing why you didn’t want to be out there.’

Okay. Now she was ready to go inside. She didn’t want to talk about that again. In fact, she’d like to pretend she hadn’t told him about it in the first place. She still didn’t understand exactly why she’d told him. Sure, it had felt good at the time, unloading those feelings. Hearing herself talk about it for the first time. But that didn’t change the outcome. And it didn’t change how she felt about it.

Late at night, when she couldn’t sleep, she knew that boy’s face would still swim to the surface of her mind. She’d still see his parents, clinging together, his mother weeping, his father stoically trying to bear the burden no one should have to carry.

That wouldn’t change. Would never change.

She shifted slightly and the soles of her boots scraped across the asphalt, sounding like a dry nervous cough.

‘We didn’t find the guy, remember?’

‘You looked.’

She’s looked for the boy once, too. For all the good it had done anyone.

‘Only because Brendon bullied me into it.’ And at the thought of Brendon came the reminder that she still had to get to the bottom of what was going on with him. Good, she told herself. Focus on your idiot brother. Much better.

‘Bullshit.’

‘Excuse me?’

He shook his head as he watched her. ‘I saw your face when your brother showed up wanting your help. You said you didn’t want to go. But everything inside you was eager to go.’ He reached out to touch her and she almost held her breath, waiting for the brush of his hand against her cheek. But he stopped short, disappointing them both. ‘I saw your face. Your eyes. It was all there, plain for anyone to see.’

‘No,’ she argued, even though she remembered clearly that rush of adrenaline. That had just been instinct. Like a firehouse dog reacting to the sound of the fire alarm. ‘I—‘

‘Dane,’ he interrupted, ‘it’s what you do. It’s who you are.’

‘Not anymore.’ It used to be. It used to be everything to her. But times change. People change. She wasn’t that girl anymore. She wasn’t wide-eyed and filled with the conviction that she could make a difference. She couldn’t cling to a ratty thread of hope anymore. It had frayed in her grasp when she’d needed it most, and there was no getting it back.

‘Who’re you trying to convince?’ he asked. “Me? Or you?’

A spurt of irritation flickered up inside her, then flattened out again. She tossed her hair back from her face and met his gaze squarely. ‘I thought you were a lawyer not a shrink.’

He stiffened. ‘You don’t have to be a shrink to see the obvious.’

‘Really?’ she countered. ‘Good at that, are you? Seeing the obvious?’ Dane didn’t wait for him to answer before adding, ‘Then maybe you can see that I don’t want to talk about this.’

‘Prefer to ignore it and hide?’

She looked up at him and gave a short, harsh laugh.

‘Hello, Pot? This is Kettle. You’re black.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything, but she was damn tired of everyone and their uncles offering her advice on how to ‘get over it.’ So she did what any Candellano would do when attacked.

She fired back.

‘I mean, you’ve got a helluva nerve accusing me of hiding. Keeping your daughter tucked away isn’t the key to bringing her back into the world.’

Fury pulsed inside him. Dane could almost feel the heat of it. Okay, gloves were off now. This could get ugly. A muscle in his jaw twitched and he planted his feet wide apart, as if slipping into a battle stance. She saw in his face just how much he wanted to yell. But his sleeping daughter apparently gave him enough reason to keep his voice low. As if to calm himself as much as comfort his sleeping child, he stroked Reese’s back in long protective stroked.

‘You don’t know anything about my daughter. Or me.’

‘You don’t know me, either,’ she pointed out, ‘but that didn’t stop you from offering advice I didn’t want.’

‘That’s different.’

‘Of course it is,’ she muttered. ‘You’re a guy.’ She wondered idly where all of the nice warm fuzzies had gotten to. How had their friendly conversation dissolved into this?

For the first time in two years, she’d been actually enjoying herself. Talking with Frank did as much for her bruised heart as it did for her hormones. But there was a wall separating them that neither of them was willing – or able, obviously – to cross.

‘Look,’ she said abruptly, interrupting the war with what she hoped would be accepted as truce. ‘We had a good day. Let’s leave it at that, okay?’

And before he could respond one way or the other, Dane stepped around him and headed up the drive. Abbey leaped to her feet and bounced toward the house, trusting that Dane would be following. Her footsteps crunched on the gravel drive as she walked away, feeling considerably lonelier than she had been only a few minutes ago. She felt his gaze locked on her back, and a part of her burned with the heat of his stare.

Hormones, she told herself.

That’s all it was.

Hormones.

Lust. Pure and simple.

In all its glory.

 ‘Dane?’

His voice, low and intimate, stopped her. She steeled herself, then looked back at him over her shoulder. He and his daughter were spotlighted in the moonlight standing as he was, between the patches of shade cast by the nearby trees. They looked so alone that a twinge pinged around Dane’s heart before she could tell herself that it didn’t matter to her. That they – he was only a summer neighbour. A temporary blip on her radar screen.

Yeah, right.

‘What?’

‘You were right, you know.’

‘Ah,’ she said, loving the sound of those words, ‘the way to a woman’s heart.’ She smiled in spite of the turmoil within. ‘Right about what?’

‘It was a good day.’

Then he smiled a little sadly, walked off, and the two of them disappeared into the shadows.

Her morning ritual was ruined.

And it was all his fault.

Grumbling, Dane pulled another Oreo out of the bag, dipped it into her coffee, and took a bite. Abbey looked up at her, hopeful as always.

‘Well, you still love me, anyway.’ Dane popped the last of her cookie into her mouth, then picked up a dog biscuit and flipped it to the golden. Abbey caught it mid flip and crunched contentedly. ‘Of course, you do love me for my wonderful self, or for my biscuits?’

The dog just stared at her. ‘Never mind,’ Dane said. ‘Don’t answer that.’

Then her gaze went directly back to the view that had now effectively ruined her little wake-up ritual.

Frank’s house.

Funny, but she no longer thought of it as the Garvey place. Now it was his. And not just for the duration of the summer, either. Dane had the distinct feeling that from now on she would be looking at that house and wondering what he and Reese were doing. What he was doing. Hell, admit it.

She’d be wondering who he was doing.

Her body reacted to that thought as she’d known it would. Getting all warm and soft in places that had gone too long without being warm and soft. For all the good it was going to do her.

A hell of a thing, she thought. Being raring to cha-cha, so to speak, and having no one to cha-cha with. And dancing alone didn’t sound like much fun.

She propped her feet on the railing in front of her and took another long sip of coffee. The familiar swirl and rush of caffeine buzzed through her system, opening her eyes and shouting, Wake up! At her brain.

Shaking her head, she looked down at Abbey and said, ‘You wouldn’t think it would be so hard to wake up if you never really slept.’

Abbey closed her eyes at that, obviously unmoved by Dane’s predicament.

‘Well, sure. You can sleep. You don’t have one brother cheating on his wife and another brother hiding something about his medical condition.’ But even as she said the words, she knew it was for the lie it was. Okay, fine. She was worried about her brothers. And she was currently hatching a plan to get to the bottom of Brendon’s trouble. But it wasn’t thoughts of her brothers that had kept her up all night.

‘Nope. It was him. Mr. Charm. Or lack thereof.’ Her gaze locked on the silent house across the way from her as if she could see through the wood siding and straight into Frank’s heart. Her dreams had been filled with him. The way he’d been earlier yesterday. When he’d listened to her and sympathized without pitying. When he’d touched her and made her want more. When he’d smiled and she’d read the shine of want in his eyes.

And while she was willing to admit that dreams of Frank Iero were certainly better than nightmares about failing Jamie, neither of those options made for good sleeping.

So she supposed it was a measure of just how on edge she was that when the phone rang she reacted with gratitude rather than the snarl she would usually have felt.

Stepping over the dog, she hurried across the porch, coffee cup in hand, opened the front door, and snatched up the receiver on the second ring.

‘Hello?’

‘Dane…’ a soft, feminine voice, filled with tears.

‘It’s… Bella…’

‘Bella, are you okay?’

‘No. Can I come… over?’

The little gaps between her words were filled with half-sobs that told Dane her sister-in-law was crying. Which meant Brendon was still being an idiot.

‘Of course you can come over,’ she said, her hand tightening on the receiver as if it were Brendon’s neck. ‘I’ll put fresh coffee on.’

When Bella hung up a moment later, Dane just stared at the silent phone for a long minute. Oh, man. Her back teeth ground together and every muscle in her body tightened into fighting stance.

Okay. Here was the solution to her current misery.

Instead of concentrating on her own problems, she’d focus on someone else’s. She’d get details from Bell, then hunt Brendon down like the dog he was and give him both barrels.

That was sure to cheer her right up.

____________________________

hey guys

i will soon make a banner thingy for this

it looks plain as it is
do you have any suggestions?
sorry it's been a week.. i got destracted by I.P

anyway

enjoy!

xx

God.

The very thought of failing again was enough to send a bone-chilling cold racing through her. Dane wiped damp palms against the legs of her jeans and leaned back against the tower of boulders known as Castle Rock. She shifted her gaze to sweep the surrounding forest. Splotches of sunlight dazzled the darkness but did nothing to ease the blackness crawling around inside her.

Two years.

Two years since she’d done this. She would have thought she – and Abbey – would have been a little rusty. But instead, they’d come together as the team they’d always been and gone right back to business. Maybe she’d just been kidding herself about being retired. Maybe Mike, her old boss, had been right after all.

They hadn’t retired. They’d just been hiding. And damn it, she wanted to be hiding now. Back at the house. Back where it was safe. Where no one was depending on her. Counting on her. Back where she could pretend that none of this bothered her anymore. That she wasn’t haunted by the face of one little boy and the knowledge that she’d failed the one person she shouldn’t have.

Abbey lay at Dane’s feet, steady gaze locked on her. The dog’s eyes were bright, almost energized, and Dane realised the guiltily that Abbey’d missed this. Missing being out in the field, doing what she did best. But then, Abbey didn’t experience success or failure.

Abbey simply did the job she was asked to do. If she found the missing person alive, that was great. If she found them dead… well, at least she’d found them.

Some Search and Rescue dogs, after prolonged searches, had been known to become depressed at finding only death. But that hadn’t happened to Abbey… yet.

It was Dane who had to live with the memories. Another chill raced down her spine and she shivered as she tried to push those memories away again… and failed.

‘What did you mean?’

She shot Frank a look and something inside her staggered under his steady gaze. In the indistinct light, his blue eyes seemed as deep and cool as the lake. His hair fell across his forehead as he leaned forward, bracing his arms on his knees. That now-familiar stab of sweet, hot lust slammed home, but since this really wasn’t the time, she ignored it. Still, ignoring it didn’t lift the haze from her brain.

‘Huh?’

‘When you said you couldn’t take losing another one. What’d you mean?’

‘Oh. Did I say that out loud?’

He snorted a choked-off laugh. ‘In the short time I’ve known you; I’ve discovered you say everything you’re thinking out loud.’

Oh, not everything. If she had, he’d already know that she’d pictured him in his underwear a couple dozen times. Boxers, she was pretty sure. And if he turned out to be a briefs man, she was going to be heartily disappointed.

‘Yeah, well,’ she said, pushing that imagine out of her mind again, ‘you don’t have to listen.’

‘Hard not to.’

She smiled in spite of herself. ‘Okay. Have to give you that one. Candellanos are pretty hard to overlook.’

‘So tell me.’

‘It’s a long story.’

‘Do I look busy?’

The walkie-talkie clipped to her belt crackled and hissed with the muttered voices of the other searchers. She listened with half an ear, as she’d trained herself to. Probably something like being a cop, she guessed. You could pay no attention at all to the radio traffic and then instantly be aware when someone called you. And she was stalling. She knew it. No point in lying to herself when she already knew the truth.

Dane gave some serious thought to lying to him, though. After all, why should she tell him? She’d only known him a week. Plus, he was temporary. He’d be gone by the end of summer. It wasn’t as if she had to bare her soul, here.

So why dredge it all up again?

Because it’s already dredged, you idiot. Being here, in the woods, on a search, had brought it all back more clearly than she’d allowed herself to remember it before. And judging by the look in his eyes, he wasn’t going to let this go.

Nosy.

She smiled to herself. Hang around with the Candellanos long enough and you pick up some of their most irritating habits.

Nodding, she let her gaze drift from his. She’d tell him, but she wouldn’t look at him while she did. She didn’t want to see sympathy or worse yet, accusation in his eyes.

‘It was two years ago. Up around Tahoe.’

‘Yeah?’

She scratched behind Abbey’s ears and took just as much comfort from the action as the dog did.

‘I was living up there then. A small town, sort of like Chandler. Surrounded by mountains and trees. I loved it.’ She pulled in a deep breath and let it go again. ‘My neighbours had two kids. A girl about three and a boy, Jamie. He was ten.’ She smiled as that dimpled face rose up in her mind. ‘He used to come over every day after school. He’d play with Abbey and ask me questions about my job and tell me about how he was going to be a search-and-rescue man when he grew up.’ Oh God.  Dane swallowed hard again and lifted one hand to brush away a tear away. ‘He was a Boy Scout, too. And one day, his troop got lost in the mountains.’ She shrugged. ‘Doesn’t matter where. Mountains are mountains I guess.’

He didn’t say anything and she realised he was a pretty gifted listener. Knew when to prod and when to shut the hell up and let the person talk. Although right now she desperately wished someone would interrupt. Would keep her from saying it all out loud. But there was no last-minute reprieve headed her way, so she went on.

‘After the kids had been missing twelve hours, Searchers was called in.’ she shot him a quick look before returning her gaze to Abbey’s understanding eyes. ‘That’s the company I – we used to work for. We’d been all over the world together. Going from one disaster area to the next. Working in mudslides and snow, complete with avalanches and earthquake rubble, terrorist attacks, and even once the aftermath of a volcano eruption.’

‘Sounds dangerous.’

‘It can be.’ She shrugged that off, though, as if it didn’t mean anything at all. But he felt a wild mixture of admiration and fear. For her. She’d been in some very hairy places and yet, she dismissed it all with a casual shrug. She had strength. Maybe more than she knew.

Frank watched her as she seemed to pull further away from him and this place, spiraling down into her memories.

‘Anyway,’ she said, continuing in a voice so soft, it was nearly lost in the gentle wind rippling through the trees, ‘by the time Searchers arrived, Abbey and I were already looking for the kids.’ She shot him a quick look. ‘It was Jamie you know? I couldn’t wait. I had to find him. God, his parents were frantic – but so sure that I’d find him. Bring him home. They knew I—‘

Her breath caught again. ‘They knew I loved him, so they were counting on me. And it should have been a simple search. Half the town had turned out to help out.’

‘Like today.’

‘Yeah.’ She never lifted her gaze from the dog, but he knew she was looking at something else. Something only she could see. Pain seemed to radiate from her – like waves of heart that pulsed off a road baking under a desert sun.

‘Those of us with dogs were each given a shirt that belonged to one of the missing boys. I had Jamie’s.’ she sighed a little, remembering. ‘Abbey and I worked the mountain, just as we always had. We picked up scents that dead-ended. We followed trails that seemed to go no where. Hours passed.’ A brief gust of wind kicked up, tousled her curls, then slipped away again. ‘And still, I figure it would turn out all right. It was summer. Weather was good. The boys had already been lost overnight but with the mild weather…’ she paused and the static from the radio bristled in the air.

‘It should have been easy. Well,’ she added, ‘comparatively speaking anyway.’ She shook her head and the black curls about her face trembled. ‘But it wasn’t. Abbey wasn’t getting a good scent. We heard on the radio as the other boys were located, one by one. But still, Jamie was out there somewhere. Missing. Scared. And we couldn’t find him.’

Frank knew what was coming. Regret pooled inside him. He shouldn’t have asked. Shouldn’t have prodded her into reliving this. He could see what it was costing her, but now he wasn’t sure if asking her to stop would be the right thing to do, either. Damn it, he knew what it was to live with guilt. To wonder about the what ifs. What if I’d done that differently? What if I’d taken a right turn instead of left? What if I’d been driving the car that day?

Quickly though, he closed a mental door on those questions. This wasn’t about him.

‘I should have been able to find him,’ she murmured, more to herself than to him. ‘I know he must have been waiting for me – hoping to see Abbey and me come walking up. And I couldn’t find him.’ Dane lifted her gaze and looked directly into Frank’s and he felt the impact of her pain slam into him. ‘None of it should have happened, damn it. He was only ten. They were on a camp-out. A fun trip with his buddies that turned into a nightmare.’

‘Dane…’ he reached for her, but she shook her head and inched back.

Her fingers curled around Abbey’s collar and she hung on as if depending on that grip to keep herself steady. ‘Oh, Jamie must have been so scared. He kept moving. Even though we always talked about what people did wrong when they were lost. He knew he should stay in one place, but he walked. And walked. Trying to find his way out. His way home.’ A single tear trickled down her cheek, but he didn’t think she realised it. ‘Abbey and I covered miles that day. And at every turn, I told myself, ‘This time’. We’ll find him here. Or here. Or here.’ She shook her head again.

‘But we didn’t. Not until much later.’

‘What happened?’ he asked when she was silent for so long, he wasn’t sure she was even aware of his presence anymore.

She turned her head to look at him and he saw those beautiful brown eyes of hers shimmering with tears that he somehow knew were always near the surface. Something inside him shifted, tightened, and the instinct to protect reared up within him again. He wanted to hold her. To soothe her tears and tell her everything would be all right. Which was ridiculous, since he knew by looking at her that nothing was all right.

She sucked in a breath, released it in a rush, and said, ‘Just at nightfall we found him.’ She looked away again and stared off into the shadowy forest, as if it was just too much to meet his gaze. ‘It wasn’t a big creek,’ she said, her voice soft, wondering. ‘Nothing more than a stream really. The kind you go wading in on a warm summer’s day. Something a kid would leap over without a second thought.’ She cleared her throat, uncurled her fingers from Abbey’s collar, and took another deep breath. ‘But Jamie must have fallen. Hit head on a rock.’ Cupping one hand across her mouth, as if she could keep the words from being said even as she spoke them, she finished. ‘He fell face-first into that damn creek and he drowned. In a couple of inches of water.’

‘Jesus.’ In a quick flash, Frank felt pity for that kid and what his family must have suffered. But looking at the woman who’d tried so hard to save the boy, he also felt a wave of tenderness that surprised him with its strength. It had been a long time since he’d felt sorrier for someone else than he did for himself.

Lifting both hands, she scraped at her face with her palms, rubbing away the last of the tears. But she didn’t quiet succeed in wiping the pain out of her eyes.

It still shone in those brown depths with a brilliant clarity. And he knew she lived with that memory every day. Despite the wiseass comments and the ready laughter, she harboured this dark knot of old pain with her wherever she went.

But then, everyone carried their own crosses, didn’t they? It was just that some people made more noise about the size and weight of theirs than others did. Dane, on the other hand, spent most of her time trying to convince everyone around her that she didn’t have a cross at all. Intriguing woman. One who could slide into a man’s soul.

If a man had a soul.

‘He didn’t have anything to do with what happened.’

‘What?’ he looked at her, found her gaze fixed on him, and told himself to get a grip. This sure as hell wasn’t the time to go get philosophical. ‘What?’ he repeated.

‘Jesus,’ she said. ‘God. He wasn’t involved that day. That day it was just me, Abbey, and Jamie. That little boy needed me. Was counting on me. And I failed. All the times I’d saved strangers… people I didn’t know, people I’d never see again. And the one time I desperately needed to succeed, to bring someone safely home, I couldn’t do it. He died on me that mountain, when he should have been at home.’

‘It wasn’t your fault.’ It came instinctively. Yet even as he said the words, he knew she wouldn’t hear them. Hadn’t people been saying the same damn thing to him for the last year? And he hadn’t believed it any more than she would.

‘Right.’ She nodded, stood up, and slung her backpack over her shoulder. ‘Jamie’s parents even said that to me, y’know? After the screams and the tears and the wailing, they thought of me. They knew what losing him did to me. And even in their pain, they tried to make it easier for me. But that only made it worse. I let him down. I let them down.’ She sucked in air and blew it out again. ‘Nobody’s fault. Just a tradgic accident,’ she said in a singsong voice that mimicked everyone who’d ever said the words to her. ‘Sometimes these things happen. The Lord works in mysterious ways.’

She flipped her hair back from her face and gave him a long, steady look. ‘Jamie was ten. He liked baseball and jelly sandwiches. He loved Abbey and he trusted me. He was my friend. He hated girls yet doted on his baby sister. He was his parents’ pride and joy. And he died. If I’d move faster… worked it harder… found him just a little sooner… I loved him. And I couldn’t save him because I just wasn’t good enough.’

‘Dane—‘ Frank stood up and faced her. Reaching out, he laid both hands on her shoulders and felt the tension coiled there. A part of him wished she’d kept quiet. Hadn’t brought him closer. But another, stronger part wanted to somehow comfort her. And God knew he wasn’t used to those kinds of impulses.

But she didn’t give him a chance, anyway. She shrugged him of, gave him a smile, and said, ‘Glad you asked?’

‘No.’

‘Well, that’s honest.’ She sighed and glanced down. Abbey’s head swept back and forth between them like she was watching a fascinating tennis match. ‘Can’t blame you, though. Not a pretty story.’
‘It’s not that.’ He reached for her again. But before he could actually touch her, he let his hand fall to his side. Probably not a good idea to touch her again just now. ‘I just… didn’t mean to bring it all back.’ To make you feel so crappy, he added silently.

‘It didn’t have to come back,’ she said sadly. ‘It’s always there.’

Frank nodded. Just as he’d thought. ‘I know what that’s like.’

She laughed shortly, but the sound carried no humour in it. ‘Right. Sure you do.’ She blew out a breath that ruffled the curls lying on her forehead. Then she gave him that smile that seemed to hit him a little harder every time he saw it. The fact that today he saw the grief behind it only added to the punch. ‘Okay,’ she announced, ‘self-pity party officially over.’

Dane wanted to get moving. Get back to the search. Heck, anything was better than standing here, watching him watch her and wondering what he was thinking. For chrissakes. What had she been thinking? Why did she have to go and open her big mouth?

Because you’re a Candellano and it’s genetically impossible to keep your mouth closed.

Plus, she was female. If pushed or offered the slightest bit of encouragement, a woman will confess her deepest, darkest secrets. A man, on the other hand, was somehow able to hold back – at least until after sex. At which point, men did one of two things. They either opened up and shared, or they ran for the hills and all you saw of them was the soles of their feet.

Hmm.

Maybe they were on to something.

She snapped her fingers and Abbey jumped to her feet, muscles bunched and ready to work. She pushed her nose into Dane’s thigh as if reminding her that the clock was running.

‘Dane…’

‘Hey, I’m okay. Honest.’ Embarrassed but okay.

Usually she managed to keep memories of Jamie locked up tight inside her – at least until the dreams came. The dreams where she saved him. Where she found him in time and she could feel his tears on her neck and his sturdy arms wrapped around her shoulders. Every damn night, she saved him. She just hadn’t been able to do it when it had mattered. ‘Don’t know why I spilled my guts like that, but rest assured, that’ll be the end of the spillage for today.’

‘You’re back to your old self, aren’t you?’

‘Damn straight.’ Pulling the walkie-talkie from her belt, she held up a hand for silence, then punched the button. ‘Brendon?’

A second or two of static, then, ‘Dane. Find anything?’

‘Not yet.’ She turned her head and gave a good look around. ‘We’re about a mile east of the lake at Castle Rock. We’ll check out the rest of the woods here, then circle back around.’

‘Got it.’

Dane clipped the radio back into place on her hip.

‘What do we do now?’

‘Now,’ she said, ‘we work.’ And try to forget, for a little while at least, that some sort of bond had been formed between them, here in the forest. In wasn’t something she’d been expecting, and trying to deal with what it meant right now would be useless. Better to work. Looking down at Abbey, she whispered, ‘Find.’

And they were on the run again.

Brendon scanned the map in his hands for the dozenth time in twenty minutes, then lifted his gaze to the blue sky. At least they had several more hours of daylight left. With any luck, they’d find the man and be out of here by suppertime.

Of course, lately, luck was in short supply.

He yanked off his hat, swiped the back of his hand across his forehead, then jammed that hat back on again.

It was days like this that made him wish he’d become – hell, anything other than the sheriff. Even Jon’s job looked good to him right now. And ordinarily he wouldn’t have considered being attacked by three-hundred-pound middle linebackers a wise career choice.

‘Sheriff?’ his deputy’s voice came over the radio, clouded by a burst of static.

Brendon snatched up the handheld, walked off a few paces, and turned in a tight circle until the interference eased up. ‘Yeah, Dave. What’ve you got?’

‘Our missing guy. Walked out of the woods, went right up to Sam Hauser, and asked for a scotch, straight up.’ Laughter rang in his tone and Brendon couldn’t blame him. It had been a long day.

‘Good news.’ Hell, best news he’d had in a while. He looked around the busy base camp they’d set up and mentally started closing up shop. ‘Call everyone in and let’s pack this up.’

‘You got it, Sheriff. We ought to have him back to you inside a half hour.’

When he signed off, Brendon stared at the radio for a long minute before punching it up again to contact his sister.

‘Dane?’

‘What’s up?’

‘We found our man.’

‘How is he?’

Brendon winced at the question, asked in a breathless, worried voice. Okay, he knew what he’d asked of Dane to come out and join the search. She never talked about what had happened two years ago. But then with family, she didn’t have to, did she? They all knew what losing that boy had cost her.

Still, seeing her lock herself away was driving Mama nuts – which meant everybody suffered.

‘Alive,’ he answered, ‘and looking for a bartender.’

What might have been laughter rustled through the radio and he smiled. ‘You okay?’

‘Yeah. I’m good. So. I’ll see you at Mama’s.’

‘What?’ he stared at the radio, as if it could explain exactly why in the hell he’d be going to his mother’s house after the day he’d had.

‘It’s Sunday.’

‘Shit.’

Frank had never had a meal quiet like this one before. Noise rocketed around the dining room, bouncing off the soft yellow walls lined with china cabinets that were stuffed with glassware and what looked to be the world’s longest collection of bells. The oak table they sat at was old, but the wood fairly gleamed from years of careful polishing. From the kitchen came scents that would have graced any five-star restaurant and blasting in from the living room came the practiced voice of a professional announcer calling the play-by-play on a baseball game.

The whole Candellano clan was gathered around that table and Frank still wasn’t sure why he was there.

All he knew for certain was, he’d entered Angela Candellano’s orbit and been sucked in. He glanced up as she bustled in and out of the room, carrying bowls of fresh garlic bread and steaming pots of spaghetti sauce that smelled good enough to make him grateful for the invitation to dinner.

The noise level, though, was incredible. There was no give-and-take conversation. This was a free-for-all. Every Candellano talked at the same time, as if they were afraid they wouldn’t get a chance otherwise. Even the toddler, Tina, was banging her spoon on her high chair and babbling loud enough to prove she belonged. The shouting, he guessed, was a by-product. You had to shout just to be heard.

‘The hospital says the guy checked out fine.’

‘It’s good you found him,’ Mama said, passing by Brendon and giving him a loving pat on the shoulder.

‘Wasn’t me,’ he admitted. ‘The man just walked out.’

Patrick pulled a small calculator from his shirt pocket. ‘Do you know what the odds of that were?’

‘Don’t care,’ Brendon told him. ‘It’s over.’

‘Astronomical,’ Patrick muttered, punching in a few more numbers.

Brendon looked at Jon. ‘So are you going to start this season? Half the town’s asked me how you think the Saints are gonna do this season.’

Jon scowled and rubbed his knee. ‘Don’t know about starting, but the team looks good.’

‘Your leg,’ Mama asked. ‘It still hurts?’

‘I’m fine.’

‘The hero of Chandler speaks,’ Patrick said with a grin.

‘Anyone want iced tea?’

‘Mama,’ Dane ordered, ‘sit down already and eat.’

The older woman waved her off. ‘In a minute. More pasta?’ she asked, strolling around the edge of the table like a fussy waitress, making sure everyone had everything they wanted even before they wanted it. She laid one hand on Frank’s shoulder. ‘You should eat. Have a sausage. You’re too thin.’

‘According to Mama,’ Patrick told him, pushing his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose, ‘you have to eat twice your body weight daily just to keep from wasting away.’

‘You should eat more, talk less. And put your little toy away,’ Mama told him before turning back to Frank. ‘So, you’re a lawyer?’

‘Yes, ma’am.’

‘Good manners,’ she said, beaming at him like he was a child winning a spelling bee. ‘That’s nice.’

‘Mama…’

She frowned at Dane. ‘What? I say something nice and I’m in trouble?’ without waiting for an answer, she asked Frank. ‘You make a good living?’

‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ Dane muttered.

‘Uh… yes. I do fine.’ Frank glanced around the table, noticing that all eyes were on him now, and he suddenly felt like a dancing bear.

‘Good, good.’ Mama nodded, smiling. ‘So, Iero. Is that Italian?’

‘I don’t think so.’ Where was this going? He wondered, and had the uncomfortable feeling he was being interviewed for a job.

‘That’s a shame.’ She clucked her tongue.

‘Lots of people aren’t Italian, Mama.’ Patrick said it, then ducked his head when his mother shot him a look.

‘Catholic?’ she asked.

‘Don’t answer that,’ Dane told him.

Stunned, Frank just stared at the older woman, but one of Dane’s brothers saved him from answering.

‘Jesus, Mama,’ Jon teased, ‘why don’t you check his teeth while you’re at it, too?’

‘Was I talking to you?’ she asked, then frowned when she saw Jon shift uncomfortably on the chair.

‘You all right, Johnny?’

‘I’m fine.’

‘Is it your knee?’ Dane leaned over the table toward him.

‘No, it’s not my knee.’

‘Thought your knee was better.’ His twin sounded more curious than worried.

‘It is better!’ Jon shouted. ‘Jesus, can’t a man move around a little without everybody thinking something’s up?’

‘I was wondering the same thing myself,’ Brendon muttered, and threw a glance at his wife. Bella, though, didn’t take the bait, just kept her gaze fixed on her untouched plate of pasta.

But Dane heard him and Frank saw the glare she shot her older brother just before she kicked him.

‘Hey!’ Brendon looked at her. ‘What was that for?’

‘Gee,’ Dane said, blinking innocently, ‘was that your knee? I’m so sorry.’

Bella smiled faintly, but Brendon grumbled a minute or two before scooting his chair father away from his sister.

Nuts, Frank thought. The whole family was crazy. In a weird, warm, wonderful sort of way. He wondered what it must have been like growing up in this house. With these people, who so clearly loved one another despite the shouts and carrying-on.

Then he looked down at his daughter, sitting on the chair beside him. A smile curved her mouth as she happily ate up every bit of the pasta in front of her. Naturally, Abbey was right beside the little girl, head in her lap, soulful brown eyes locked on Reese’s fork, hoping for a spill.

Reese had spent the day here, with Angela, baking cookies. Probably eating half of what she’d made. But she was happy. Relaxed.

For the first time in as long as he could remember, Frank felt the tension that had become a part of him begin to slip away. Dane glanced at him and gave him that smile again.

And this time, he gave it right back to her.

Shell and I waited until 9.00 until the doors opened (Ruin Gloria wasn’t performing because the singer had his appendix blown up or something, but the boys we’re there to show their support)

Chasing All Cars we’re the first to perform, and they weren’t that bad!!

Since it was a gig, the venue was pretty small, they only had a small mosh pit (at the venue), and hardly anyone knew CAC so no one was on the floor. Only 2-3 random guys, Shell and I and our friends we made there Amy, Jody, Alex and Emily.

The singer looked at me and we had a moment, and I kept smiling at him the entire night :P (no, I’m not a teenie, but he was cute!!)

Then Angela’s Dish came on, and they were AMAZING!! A few more people came down onto the floor, and instead of staying to the side, the girls and I moved to the front so we we’re nearly on the boxes!! Hehehe it was fun!

They played some amazing songs that we knew from concerts before when they were the supporting bands, and we we’re all singing along :P

After they played, Amy and I got post cards (sort of) with Angela’s Dish on them, so she and I kept trying to find them all over the place so we could get their signatures and photos with them. We managed to find all of them but Scotty. He was lying on the steps without his shirt on, so I had to take a pic of that just in case ;) (lmao)

Then The Hot Lies came on… and the place just BLEW UP!!

It was like everyone was waiting for them. As soon as the lights went down, everyone forced their way to the front the songs that they played were (and in no particular order):

Promise me

Burn n out

Tokyo

Emergency

Ghosts and mirrors

Tell me goodnight

Break away

Taking chances

Down and out

Under your skin

While they were playing, Matt and Dan from Ruin Gloria we’re standing next to us, and we got pics with them. Matt was COMPLETELY drunk, he could not even hold his drink!

This chick next to us pushed him (in a playful way) that made him spill a bit of his drink, so he looked behind him (at her) and threw his glass of bourbon on the floor and started for her (it was ADORABLE! And if they were going out, it would be a very cute relationship.)

As soon as they we’re finished, they came out and we all took photos with them, and got them to sign stuff as well.

Matt was sitting down on one of the chairs near the exit and he wanted me to sit on his lap, but he had his legs crossed so obviously I couldn’t, then he had to go to the bathroom and while he was getting up, he started taking off his jacket, and he gave it to me.

I put it on and it even smelled like him!! I wanted to take it home, but Shell said no *sigh* so 20 minutes later, we found him again, and I had to give him back his jacket.

I told him “here’s your jacket” and he replied back with “that’s not my jacket” then I said “yes it is, you took it off to go to the bathroom and gave it to me” then he said “it’s my friends. Not mine.” (how were we supposed to know that?)

Then he was trying to send a text message to someone on his phone, and instead of putting ‘where’ he put ‘when’ so I had to type it up for him. Then after I sent it to that person, I wanted to put my number in, and yet again Shell said no… so I couldn’t L

Then as we we’re leaving, Matt gave me a HUGE hug and a kiss, and I was like awww :P

So, this has been one of the most amazing weekends of my life!! xD
Pics and vids coming soon!!
xoxox

It had been so long, Frank thought as the sound of Reese’s unrestrained giggles washed over him. Like a soothing balm, that laughter eased his tortured heart and gave him the first real hope he’d known in almost a year. If she could laugh, she could talk. If she could talk, she could come all the way back to him.

He blinked back the moisture in his eyes, clearing the image in front of him. He wanted always to remember this moment. This picture of Reese, with small white fur-ball puppies clambering all over her as she took her first hesitant step out of the shadows.

Shrinks be damned.

It was just as he’d thought. Hoped. Reese would come back when she was ready to come back and not before. All the doctors in the world wouldn’t change that. Couldn’t change it. What she needed was her father.

And, apparently, puppies.

To his left, the back door opened and he frowned to himself, resenting the intrusion. Which was nuts, since he was standing in someone else’s backyard. He was the intruder here. Well, he and Reese. Though he couldn’t be sorry about it, now. When he’d first realised his daughter was gone from the house, instant irritation and fear had swept him. He didn’t want his daughter running off to Dane’s house every chance she got, and he’d been damn sure that’s just where she’d gone. After all, the pull of puppies wasn’t something that any kid could ignore.

But to get to this house, she had to cross a street that, all right, wasn’t exactly the Indianapolis 500, but the occasional driver zoomed down that road. And a short six-year old wasn’t going to be easy to spot when you were doing fifty.

Even as he thought it, though, he admitted silently that wasn’t the whole reason he resented Reese coming here. She was probably safe enough crossing the street – especially at the crack of dawn. But her coming here ensured that he’d have to come after her. Which meant seeing the woman who lived here. The more time he spent with Dane, the more he enjoyed it, and damn it, he couldn’t afford to enjoy a woman at the moment. In any way.

 Yet here he stood, in Dane’s yard, with a soft morning breeze rippling through his hair and his daughter’s laughter singing to him. So how in the hell could he be angry about any of it?

‘Good morning!’

An older version of Dane poked her head out of the opened door. Graying black hair framed a round face with snapping brown eyes and a wide smile. She stepped out onto the porch, wiping her hands on a pristine apron tied around her middle. ‘So, you want some coffee?’

‘Excuse me?’

‘Coffee,’ she repeated, a little louder this time, as if he were deaf and she was determined to make him understand. ‘My Dane, she’s having some now. Best not to talk to her until she’s finished, so you can talk to me.’

Words. Coming too fast to be understood this early in the morning. Besides, if he went inside, he’d only be dragged deeper into the Candellano family. Best to escape now. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘but I think Reese and I—‘

‘What?’ she slapped her hands on her hips. ‘You have somewhere else to be before the sun comes up?’

Tilting her head to one side, she asked, ‘You’re a vampire, maybe? I read about vampires and—‘

‘What?’

‘Jesus, Mama.’ Dane’s voice, blurred, indistinct, came from inside the kitchen. ‘Stop reading already.’

‘I’m kidding.’ She turned and glanced briefly toward her daughter. ‘Only you can make jokes?’

‘Oh, Mama, it’s way too early for this.’

 Frank agreed. He hadn’t planned on running into anyone at this hour. He’d hoped to just pick up Reese and get back home before anyone knew they’d been there. Best-laid plans. ‘We’ll just be going…’

The older woman ignored that completely. ‘You come in. You’ll have coffee. You’ll talk.’

Not an easy woman to argue with. At least he knew now where her daughter came by her bulldozer personality. ‘Reese—‘

‘Is fine,’ the woman interrupted with a fond look at the child across the yard.

Reese might be fine, but she was silent again, now that she knew she had an audience. Already she was pushing herself to her feet and ignoring the jumping puppies. Abbey, though, was not to be ignored. The big dog simply pushed her head beneath Reese’s hand until she got the stroking and petting she so obviously wanted.

Disappointment swelled inside him. His heart twisted and that old familiar ache shimmered through his body. For one all too brief moment, his little girl had shone brightly again. Now that moment was gone and the silence was back.

‘Come inside,’ the woman on the porch insisted, kindness rimming her voice as if she knew exactly what he was feeling. ‘We’re all wide awake.’ She tossed a cautious look back into the house and amended that statement slightly. ‘Most of us anyway.’

She shrugged. ‘My daughter, we give her more coffee, she’ll be all right.’

As if responding to a cue, Dane stepped out onto the porch beside her mother.

Clutching a cup of coffee in both hands, she squinted at him, and even at a distance Frank felt the tug of her gaze. Not many women could pull off a football jersey and a pair of boxer shorts. But damned if she didn’t make the outfit look good.

Which only serves to remind him exactly why he shouldn’t be here.

‘Hi.’ Her voice sounded gravelly with sleep.

‘Sorry about this,’ he said. ‘Reese got out on her own again.’

‘Cell block D needs better guards.’

He stiffened. Apparently, she really wasn’t a morning person. Fine. Just as well. He didn’t need a friend. He didn’t need a woman. Hell, he didn’t need any of this.

‘Come in for some breakfast,’ the older woman urged.

Dane rolled her eyes.

‘Thanks, but we’d better go.’

Her mother gave her a not too subtle nudge in the ribs and Dane winced. ‘Have some coffee,’ she said and considered that more than gracious. Heck, she was offering to share her morning potion. What could be friendlier?

‘I’ve got some at the house.’

‘Who doesn’t?’ she countered. ‘Mine’s closer.’

He looked from her to the girl, still standing in the puppy pen, and back again. Indecision warred on his features and sympathy welled up inside Dane until it nearly choked her. Remembering the look on his face as he’d watched his daughter’s laughter opened her heart to him, and that wasn’t something she’d counted on. Lust was one thing. Caring quiet another. But the poor man had already had plenty of emotional turmoil this morning. Now he was being asked to face down Mama Candellano before 7am. Who wouldn’t feel sorry for him?

‘You come,’ Mama piped up. ‘Have coffee. Ignore my daughter’s foul temper – which she got from me, because God rest him, her papa never got angry; he only got quiet – not like the rest of us, Dane’s three brothers included, well, except for Patrick; he’s like his papa with his quiet all the time.’

Dane blinked, shook her head, and stared at him.

‘Can she cram a load of words into one sentence or what?’

‘Impressive,’ he said, remembering now that Dane had warned him ahead of time about just how much her mother talked.

‘I told you so.’

‘You told him what?’ Mama demanded, flicking a dish towel at Dane’s hip. ‘You’ve been talking about me?’

She leaned down and planted a quick kiss on her mother’s forehead. ‘Sure. I gave an interview on CNN. Didn’t you see it?’

‘Smart mouth. That’s what you are.’ Mama clucked her tongue, waved a beckoning hand at Frank, then turned into the house, obviously expecting him to follow.

Frank looked back at Reese.

‘She’ll be fine,’ Dane said, pausing for a gulp of coffee. ‘She’ll just play with the puppies, won’t you, Reese?’

The little girl nodded and eased back down to the ground, delighted the puppies, who immediately began to scale Mount Reese again.

‘When Mama’s got breakfast ready, we’ll call her in.’ he still didn’t look convinced. ‘Come on; be a hero.’

‘What?’ he looked up at her.

Dane glanced into the kitchen and whispered above the sounds of pots and pans clanging together, ‘I haven’t had nearly enough coffee yet to deal with Mama. If you’re there, she’ll pester you instead.’

Great. Frank had the distinct feeling Mama would be a more formidable presence then the three women who’d descended on him yesterday, bearing salmonella.

Run, Forrest, run. That one line from a movie rattled inside his head like a warning bell. Frank knew he should turn and leave. Knew he should get Reese and go back to the silent house across the way. But suddenly silence seemed more like an enemy rather than the companion it had become over the last year. But then, had it really been a friendly thing?

Or was it always an enemy and he simply hadn’t noticed that until today?

Whatever the answer, he didn’t want to face the quiet alone. Not right now.

When he started for the house, Dane smiled and damned if it didn’t feel good to have that smile aimed at him.

A half hour later, the scent of bacon hung in the air, dirty dishes lay scattered across Dane’s kitchen table, and he knew more about the Candellano family than he would have thought possible.

Morning sunlight poured through the windows, lying golden across the counters and floor. Reese sat beside him, surreptitiously handing Abbey bits of bacon under the table. On the wall opposite him, the ridiculous duck clock quacked seven times, and he told himself he and Reese should be going.

But he was reluctant to leave the warmth of this place for the cold emptiness waiting for him across the street. So instead, he nursed his third cup of exceptional coffee and watched as Dane and her mother waged a friendly war of words. Even through the bickering though, he saw the love binding the two of them. Amazed, he felt drawn to it at the same time he admitted silently that he knew nothing about this kind of bond. This kind of unconditional acceptance. This family tie that wound deep enough to hold but not strangle.

He leaned back in his chair and remembered the string of foster homes he’d grown up in. Bounced from place to place, he’d never belonged. Never felt a part of anything. He’d thought that marrying Micaela would fill that cold, dark spot inside him. Stupid, when neither of them had been in love. So it was hardly surprising that marriage hadn’t given him a sense of family.

Until Reese.

Until he’d looked into his daughter’s face when she was only moments old. In that one instant, Frank had finally found the love that had eluded him all his life. One tiny girl had seemed to hold all the mysteries of the universe for him. He still remembered the swell of emotion that had risen up in him when the nurse placed his daughter in his arms for the first time.

His gaze shifted to her now, and despite the ache for what he’d lost, what they’d both lost, he knew that he would do whatever he could to make her whole again.

That was family, right?

‘I saw on Oprah,’ Mama was saying.

‘Run,’ Dane said, giving him a warning look. ‘Run fast and run far.’

‘What kind of thing is that to say?’

‘Compassionate,’ Dane said, brown eyes snapping and a small twist of a smile curving her mouth.

‘Pay no attention to her,’ Mama countered, waving a hand at her daughter and turning her gaze on Frank. ‘Oprah’s a smart cookie.’

‘I’m sure.’

‘See? He agrees.’

‘He’s polite.’ Dane grinned and took another sup of coffee. Really, he thought, it was incredible the change in her personality a little caffeine could manage.

‘Dane?’ a man’s voice, followed by the slam of the front door and quick footsteps crossing the living room. By the time they all turned around to face the doorway, the sheriff was standing there, looking grim enough to give any criminal second thoughts.

‘Brendon!’ the older woman paled and pushed halfway out of her chair. ‘Bella? Tina?’

‘They’re fine,’ he said quickly, and Frank watched the colour rush back into Angela Candellano’s features. Then the sheriff nodded and acknowledged, ‘Iero,’ before turning on his sister. ‘Dane, we need your help.’

She was already shaking her head. ‘No way.’

Her eyes looked suddenly flat and bleak. Her face paled and Frank had the weirdest urge to jump to his feet and put himself between Dane and her brother. The in pulse to protect was so strong, so unexpected, he didn’t know what to make of it.

But then Dane stood up and moved away and the moment was lost.

Brendon had known coming over here that this wouldn’t be easy. His sister had a head like a rock when she wanted to. And in two years, no one had been able to talk her into doing what she did best. But today he wasn’t going to give her a choice. There was no time. And no one else to ask.

‘We’re organizing a search—‘

‘I don’t want to hear it,’ Dane said, walking to the window. She deliberately stared out at the sun-drenched yard, keeping her gaze on anything but Brendon.

‘Too damn bad,’ her brother said sharply, and Dane turned to look at him.

‘Don’t think you can bully me into this,’ she snapped. ‘You know why I won’t.’

 ‘Yeah, I know.’

‘Then don’t ask.’

‘I don’t have a choice and neither do you.’

She moved back to the table, set her coffee cup down with a thunk, then wrapped her arms around her middle. ‘Sure I do. And I choose no.’

‘Damn it, Dane—‘

She snapped him a glare that would have fried a lesser man. ‘I’m not real happy with you anyway, Brendon. So don’t push me.’

‘What the hell are you talking about?’

Dane’s gaze flashed to their mother, then back to him. Now wasn’t the time. But when she got him alone, she was going to team him a new one.

‘Brendon,’ Mama interrupted, ‘maybe it’s not a good idea to…’

He only glanced at her. ‘There’s a man missing, Mama. He’s fifty-five years old. An Alzheimer’s patient.’

She crossed herself and muttered a fast prayer.

Brendon went on, shifting his gaze back to Dane and staring down, silently daring her to refuse. ‘Plus he’s got heart problems. He needs to take medications for it. He wandered off from his family’s campsite last night. They looked for him for hours before alerting us. We’re rounding up everyone we can.’ Briefly he shot a look at Frank. ‘We could use your help on this, too. The more searchers we have, the better.’

Frank stood up slowly, glancing from Brendon to Dane and back again. ‘I’d like to help, but my daughter—‘

‘Will be with me,’ Mama interrupted him nearly, and looked at Reese. ‘We’ll bake cookies. Would you like that?’

The child stared at her father for a long moment, then turned back to the older woman and nodded.

‘Good,’ Brendon said. ‘That’s settled. You can go with Dane. One more set of eyes, plus you’re new around here. We don’t need you getting lost, too.’

Frank arched one eyebrow in silent insult.

‘Dane’s not going.’ She said.

‘Oh, yes, she is,’ Brendon countered.

‘You’ll find him.’ Her voice sounded hollow, even to her own ears.

‘Damn right we will,’ Brendon said, crossing to his sister and laying both hands on her shoulders. ‘But it’d be a damn sight easier with you and Abbey looking, too.’

‘We’re retired.’ She slipped out from under his grasp and backed up a step.

‘Fine. Look today; retire again tomorrow.’

Dane felt the walls closing in on her. Just moments ago, she’d been laughing and now she felt nothing but cold. Breath caught in her throat and her stomach churned. A search. She hadn’t been on one in two years. Not since… an invisible fist squeezed her heart and she winced with the ache of it.

Two long years, and that day still hovered at the edges of her mind like a shadow clinging to her heels on a hot summer day. Always there, whether she chose to acknowledge it or not. She remembered it all. The hope. The misery. The soul-crushing pain. If she allowed herself, she would remember the scream that seemed to echo over and over again until the sound became a part of the day, etching itself into her heart.

Her pulse pounded, thundering in her ears. Tears stung the backs of her eyes and Dane swallowed the cold knot of regret lodged in her throat. She couldn’t think about that now. Couldn’t remember his little face. Couldn’t let herself recall the sound of his laughter or the shine in his eyes or the strength of his hugs.

Because then she’d have to remember that he was dead, now.

‘I can’t.’ she shook her head, looking up at her brother, willing him to listen. To understand.

 But Brendon wasn’t going to let her off. ‘Yes, you can, damn it. That’s why I need you.’

Dane’s stomach pitched as she let her gaze slide from Brendon, to Mama, to Frank, and even to Reese, who watched her with solemn eyes. Abbey was on her feet, moving closer to Dane, as if offering silent support. She reached down and smoothed the dog’s soft golden hair and knew that Brendon was right. She didn’t have a choice. Not today, anyway.

Ignoring pleas for help was somehow easier when they came from a distant. When Mike was on the phone talking about some far-flung place, she could tell him no, because she didn’t have to look into his eyes. She didn’t have to live with the people she’d refused to help. But here, standing in her own kitchen with her brother asking for help, it was a different matter entirely.

She fought down a rising tide of nausea and nodded.

‘Fine. Where do you want us?’

A strong cold wind whipped in off the lake and eased the warmth of the sun. Frank looked around at the area and wondered how in the hell they’d ever find one lone man. The lake itself was huge – he even noticed a few white caps dancing across the surface, pushed by the wind. A semicircle of forest backed up onto the lake and looked dense enough to hide an army of men, let alone one poor guy. And that wasn’t even counting the open meadow laid out in front of them. Dips and gullies in the land were hidden by the high grass, and for all they knew, the man could be stretched out in one of them.

It looked hopeless.

But that fact didn’t seem to bother Dane. She hadn’t wanted to help – she’d made that clear. But once she’d agreed, she’d been all business. In less than a half hour, she’d been dressed and ready to go. Now he stood beside her and Abbey, watching the two of them become a team.

‘What’s that for?’ he asked as she laid a neon orange vest with the words ‘searchers’ emblazoned in black across Abbey’s back, then snapped it shut beneath her belly.

‘Two things,’ Dane muttered, not even looking up at him. ‘Number one, it tells Abbey we’re about to go to work. And number two… it tells any yahoos she might run into that she’s a search dog and they should leave her the hell alone.’ She speared him a quick look. ‘It also makes her easy to see in case there are hunters wandering through the woods.’

‘Hunters?’ he glanced toward the tree line. Hell, the missing guy’s family didn’t have to worry only about him being lost. They had to worry about some other guy mistaking him for a deer.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ she said, as if knowing exactly what he was thinking. ‘Nothing’s in season right now.’

As soon as that vest was snapped on, the golden retriever’s attitude seemed to change. She stood a little straighter. Lifted her nose into the air. Her ears perked up as if listening for something they’d never be able to hear.

 ‘She’s done this a lot.’

Dane nodded and stood up. ‘She was raised to it. And she’s the best, aren’t you, Ab?’

The dog continued her silent study of the terrain.

‘What’s next?’

Dane pulled a plastic bag from the backpack slung over her shoulder. Inside the bag was a crumpled shirt. She pulled it out, let the dog take a few good sniffs, then stuffed it back into the bag and closed it tightly. She flashed him a look. ‘Got to keep the shirt sealed. Otherwise, the scent would just confuse her.’ She reached down, rubbed the dog’s head, and said, ‘Abbey, find.’

The golden barked once, then took off like a shot, loping across the meadow, her lithe body slicing through the high grasses with speed and grace.

Dane started running too. A slow jog that gave her no chance at all of keeping up with the dog. Frank moved alongside her, silently giving thanks that he’d been pretty good about visiting the gym in the last year.

‘She’s already out of sight,’ he said.

‘She’ll be back.’ Dane didn’t sound winded at all – annoying. ‘She’ll keep coming back to me. Then, if she finds something, she’ll take me to it.’

‘Smart dog.’

‘Great dog,’ she said, and flashed him a smile that didn’t go anywhere near her eyes.

That was the last time they spoke for nearly three hours. The only sounds were their feet thundering across the ground and the occasional crackle and spit of the walkie-talkie Dane carried. Frank ran when she said and rested when she said. He couldn’t tell one part of the forest from another. One tree looked pretty much like another to him. But Dane seemed to know where she was going. And she trusted that dog.

They were good. Hell, she was good.

Why had she fought her brother so hard about taking part in the search? She was clearly an expert. Why back away from the very thing you were best at?

And why did he care?

Sunlight splintered through the leaves of the trees, looking like golden sparks in the distance. He eased down onto the closest rock when she called a rest, and watched as she pulled a water bottle from her pack and poured some into a small bowl she’d brought along for Abbey before offering him a drink.

He handed Dane back the bottle, scrubbed both hands across his face, then studied her for a long minute before asking, ‘So, are we going to find him in all this?’

She looked up at him and her eyes shone darkly. She took a long pull at the water bottle, then said, ‘God I hope so. I can’t lose another one.’